Pedro's GETINTHEVAN! Cannonball Run, Death Race 2000 to CX Natz Day One

The Pedro's GETINTHEVAN! racing team didn't start their THREE THOUSAND MILE race across the ground to Cyclocross Nationals until about 2:30 Monday afternoon. Cyclowhat? spent the morning returning errant scaffolding to angry Wilochoskis at great risk to his personal safety. The Wilcox was diverted for hours as he attempted to circumvent
Memorial Drive and its low-bike-wrecking--bridges, going against the advice of his flight computer, which protested, saying "I'm sorry Dave…but I can't do that. I'm scared Dave." And Big Bikes made great use of his time, watching The Cannonball Run and Tweeting about not making great use of his time.

Before they hit the road, Big Bikes took a pee.


When the racing team of racers finally did come together, they made up for their severe time deficit by immediately springing to action — going to Whole Foods to get lunch and assorted snacks.

Big Bikes took a pee.

Shortly after that, a detour was made to find a Bank of America for Cyclowhat? He made up for the detour by getting lost on the way back to the highway, and then made his racer teammates stop at Starbucks.

And Big Bikes took another pee.


After what seemed like just a few minutes, the Pedro's van veered off the highway again, this time for Cyclowhat? to pee. A stop at Dunkin Donuts was made. (And Big Bikes took yet another pee for good measure).
After putting gas in the van, it was discovered that the driver's side door was no longer functioning in a door-like capacity. Cyclowhat? went all drunk viking on it, slamming it repeatedly to no avail.
Luckily The Wilcox intervened before irreparable damage was done, freeing up the latch mechanism with a Pedro's multi-tool just as the icy wind began to howl and the snow began to fall.
Utilizing the GPS system, the racing team of racers tried to re-locate the highway, but found themselves circling a Home Depot parking lot for several minutes until they threw a hat over the GPS,
fell back on their ninja-Jedi-Sardaukar training, and located the highway.

Before Cyclowhat? had time to rip another suffocating fart, Big Bikes was requesting another pee stop.

By this point in the journey the Pedro's race across the ground to CX Nationals teammates were beginning to get to know each other. Much to the horror of his car-mates, Cyclowhat? had revealed himself as
a fan of Mannheim Steamroller. Big Bikes had emerged as the member of the group with the bladder most similar in capacity to that of a marmoset monkey with diverticulitis. And The Wilcox had manifested his loathsome tendency to share large quantities of peanut M & M's with his teammates. A true cretin, that Wilcox.


As this dispatch from the Pedro's van comes to a close, the snow is beginning to cake on the highway and Big Bikes is holding his hand up, bouncing up and down like a nerdy 3rd grader who knows the answer to the teacher's question, and requesting another pee stop.

At this rate, the GETINTHEVAN! team will be in Bend, Oregon by the time the clean up crew is pulling the course tape on Sunday.